Silly Textbook

My brother bought a English textbook yesterday. Looking inside, and I FDROTFL. (a.k.a. falling down, rolling on the floor laughing)
Here's some lines from the textbook.

• It hurts when I urinate.
• I wish my wife gave up drinking in the kitchen. 
• She has a weakness for men with lots of hair on their chests.
• She asked for morphine when she meant to ask for muffin.
• Hands off my chocolate!
• Hey, cop!
• Is he my junior?
• She's easy.

I was speechless.
Brother, I only hope you won't get the chance to use them.