beautifu autumn day isn't necessary a happy day

He has left to India this morning. It will be at least 3 months until he gets back here from this dream trip. We've been talking about this for quite a long time, and I thought I was ready for this, but I wasn't. Some part of me is really hoping that he will enjoy and experience a lot, but some part of me is desperate for coming with him, which was actually the original plan. We have traveled many countries and places together. Those memories are precious treasure to me. Days we spent together in freezing NY. El camino we walked for whole days in Spain. His birthday in Paris. I desperately wish I could come with him this time again and make another special memory together.

Last night, I had bad hyperventilation while I was sleeping next to him. It might be due to unconscious anxiety by him leaving. He covered half of my mouth so that I won't inhale too much, and it did work. It made me breath surprisingly easier. And once my breath was in control, I burst into tears. It all happened in dark and we were both half asleep, so I can't remember exactly what happened in what order, but the feeling I had is still now vividly going around in my mind.

Though I am excited for him and it's a beautiful autumn day, my mind is somewhere not here.